Thursday, December 23, 2010
Thoughts of A Imperfect Soul (Thought of the Day)
I believe everything happens for a reason. People change so you can learn how to let go. Things go wrong, so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one, but yourself and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
My Lost Child
Ive never met you but i think about you always i image your curly hair and dark skin long lashes and almond brown eyes and lovely smile ive never spoken to you but i can image your laugh so bubbly and full of life ive never walked with you but i can image you holding my hands us skipping and running i never loved but i love you for you are the child that ive always wanted i hear you call my name at night i rock you to sleep and when you cry my heart melts i stare into your eyes and i know that everything is going to be fine i pray that we will meet again forever in a day mommy
A Child's Prayer
As i lay me down to sleep i pray the lord my soul to keep if i shall die before i wake i pray the lord my soul to take....
Dear God its me again are you there? He came in my room again and hurt me... Pastor told me if i confess my sins that you would forgive me so im confessing to you so that the man wont mess with me again....
Ive been so tired thats why my grades are slipping staying up all night so that he wont come in my room it worked for awhile, but if you can keep him away then i can get my grades back up please?
I havent been doing my chores its hard cleaning the bathroom, kitchen, living room, and bedroom with a sore body daddy beat me it was my fault i brought him the wrong beer it was an accident the man came in and i froze i grabbed anything... If you keep him out of my room tonight i promise i will do better....
The man told me im making him do this to me that i walk around wearing sexy clothes thats its my fault, but god its not my fault the elementry school make us wear uniforms we can only wear white collar shirts and navy blue slacks.... I even stopped eating so that i wont get big or grow so i can stop being sexy...
Pastor said confess my sins and you will forgive me...please forgive me for i have sinned
Amen
Dear God its me again are you there? He came in my room again and hurt me... Pastor told me if i confess my sins that you would forgive me so im confessing to you so that the man wont mess with me again....
Ive been so tired thats why my grades are slipping staying up all night so that he wont come in my room it worked for awhile, but if you can keep him away then i can get my grades back up please?
I havent been doing my chores its hard cleaning the bathroom, kitchen, living room, and bedroom with a sore body daddy beat me it was my fault i brought him the wrong beer it was an accident the man came in and i froze i grabbed anything... If you keep him out of my room tonight i promise i will do better....
The man told me im making him do this to me that i walk around wearing sexy clothes thats its my fault, but god its not my fault the elementry school make us wear uniforms we can only wear white collar shirts and navy blue slacks.... I even stopped eating so that i wont get big or grow so i can stop being sexy...
Pastor said confess my sins and you will forgive me...please forgive me for i have sinned
Amen
Cried
I cried today tears came down like the waterfall I cried today and for some reason they didnt stop i cried today like a newborn baby fresh out the womb i cried today like a father at his daughters wedding i cried today,but it wasnt happy tears more like painful hot burning tears that hurt like hell as they fell againt my cheeks i cried and i cried no one could hear my cries and if they did no one cared they just let me cry... I Cried Today
Letter to My RAPIST
Rapist,
I want you to know i despise you and hate your guts. I still remember the day you took away my innocence and my childhood. I didnt deserve the years of abuse that i recieved from you and the other men down the line of my life it was never suspose to happen. Rapist, how could you do this to me?
My life has never been the same because of you i cant love or trust and im always self concious i lie to myself to keep from crying i hate myself and its because of you im ashamed of my life i have endured mountains of pain.
What you did to me all those years was take me for all i had i didnt want to live anymore suicide attempts that never went forth pill after pill but i always woke up the slits on my wrist never went deep i would watch the blood as it dripped down from my arm to no success i lived thru it all..
Every nite you came in my room i cried silently fearing that if i cried aloud you would hit me or worse kill me... I would lay there as you would whisper to me no one will ever believe me and that i was a disgrace to my family no one would want me im ugly and your the only one who is ever going to want me and even you dont want me.. You made me hate me and for that i hate you..
For everything you did to me i hope it comes back to hunt you and that everytime you close your eyes you see my face and my pain the tears and my bloodshot eyes from lack of sleep...
As my life went on i went thru hell i was raped four more times after you, you cursed me you made them attack me they knew what you did they could smell your stinch on me and how you took advantage of me.... I could still feel the pistol as the other rapist decided to expertment with objects as i layed there no tears just staring at the sky wishing i was there i blocked him out and thought about a place where there was no pain or sorrow tears werent allowed and you always had to smile... Thats how i got thru it by lying to myself...
Rapist, and i mean all of you, you sick bastards i made it thru the storm and trust me it rained like hell i could still feel the water rushing me as i pushed thru it to see my sunshine and i saw it big and beautiful i walked to it....
Just so you know i learned to love me and im happy with me and this letter was to inform you that i forgive you and that when you die that god have mercy on your soul....
Sincerely your niece,
I want you to know i despise you and hate your guts. I still remember the day you took away my innocence and my childhood. I didnt deserve the years of abuse that i recieved from you and the other men down the line of my life it was never suspose to happen. Rapist, how could you do this to me?
My life has never been the same because of you i cant love or trust and im always self concious i lie to myself to keep from crying i hate myself and its because of you im ashamed of my life i have endured mountains of pain.
What you did to me all those years was take me for all i had i didnt want to live anymore suicide attempts that never went forth pill after pill but i always woke up the slits on my wrist never went deep i would watch the blood as it dripped down from my arm to no success i lived thru it all..
Every nite you came in my room i cried silently fearing that if i cried aloud you would hit me or worse kill me... I would lay there as you would whisper to me no one will ever believe me and that i was a disgrace to my family no one would want me im ugly and your the only one who is ever going to want me and even you dont want me.. You made me hate me and for that i hate you..
For everything you did to me i hope it comes back to hunt you and that everytime you close your eyes you see my face and my pain the tears and my bloodshot eyes from lack of sleep...
As my life went on i went thru hell i was raped four more times after you, you cursed me you made them attack me they knew what you did they could smell your stinch on me and how you took advantage of me.... I could still feel the pistol as the other rapist decided to expertment with objects as i layed there no tears just staring at the sky wishing i was there i blocked him out and thought about a place where there was no pain or sorrow tears werent allowed and you always had to smile... Thats how i got thru it by lying to myself...
Rapist, and i mean all of you, you sick bastards i made it thru the storm and trust me it rained like hell i could still feel the water rushing me as i pushed thru it to see my sunshine and i saw it big and beautiful i walked to it....
Just so you know i learned to love me and im happy with me and this letter was to inform you that i forgive you and that when you die that god have mercy on your soul....
Sincerely your niece,
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